*SPOILER ALERT*
Would Maggie have?
Someone recently complained to me about Unlovable, claiming my main character Maggie would not have done some of the things she did.
I beg to differ. I can say wholeheartedly, she would have. Maggie is very typical of an (emotionally) abused person. She was based on two girls I knew growing up, and Maggie acts exactly as they did. Now, I do agree that not everyone will react as she did, but many do.
They willingly accepted the abuse heaped upon them by others, mostly because they were used to it. The abuse seemed to "rolled off their backs," if you will. Although personally, I believe it sank deep inside them, reinforcing how they viewed themselves.
Another reason they accepted the harshness of others was because they felt they deserve to be treated cruelly. Isn't that what they were told daily?
To an abused person, kindness is often viewed as suspicious. "Why would someone (insert adjective here; cute...rich...all-together... popular...or whatever) be nice to me?" They "lie in wait" for the insult, the verbal punch to hit, because rest assured, in their minds it will.
Sadly, there are many Maggie's (and her male counterparts) in the world. I wish there weren't. Maybe we as a people should stop looking inward as much as we do and start looking outward. We will not have to look far. It may be within our own families: an aunt, a cousin, or a sibling. It may be a neighbor or a classmate or someone at work. Usually it is obvious who needs a friend, or a compassionate ear, but not always. If you are earnestly seeking to help others, you'll know. A feeling will spark inside you, an overheard conversation will catch your ear, something will let you know.
Bullying of any kind has no place in this world. Those who believe in God, have no right to judge those who don't. Those who don't believe in God, have no right to bully those who do. Bullying someone because they are fat, thin, short, tall, gay, straight, the "wrong color" (this holds true for ALL races, African-American, Caucasian, Hispanic, Asian and whomever else) is wrong. I am Caucasian, my youngest son is part African-American part Puerto Rican (we adopted him), and my daughter-in-law is a Chinese-Malaysian, and I love them all equally. Not that I'm setting myself up as the perfect role model, I too have my prejudices. For one, I really hate stupid people who work at phone-in help centers!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! But I digress;}
We can make a difference. There will always be Maggie's out there, but they don't have to be alone. They don't have to "fight the good fight" all by themselves. And WE will be all the better for helping them.
Now, back to writing book 2-Unbelievable. Poor Cole!
I can't speak for others, but only for myself from my own experience.
ReplyDeleteYes, abused people behave different than normal people. What for some looks unreal, unless you've walked in those shoes, you can't imagine, you can't judge.
I was raised in a society where it was acceptable for your teacher to pull your hair, slap you around or bleed your palms with the ruler. Or your friend's parent to come and slap you in the park because you pushed or took a toy from their kid. Don't leave in Romania any longer, but I doubt much had changed in the way people treat their children.
Parents used to beat their kids if they chose to in plain day, on the streets and no one stopped them.
My father used to beat the daylight out of me. I don't think I was a bad child--the only think I used to do without his permission was to bring stray dogs and kittens in the house and hid them under the bed. I only wanted to feed them and play with them, they all were so darn cute. He'd find them and then (because I disrespected his rule) he'd slap me bloody.
Growing up in such an environment distorts your perception on the world, life and society for the simple reason that, as a child being abused by your own parent, you think if they treat you this way, how can strangers love you? So yes, you become introvert, insecure and above all you're expecting to be hit next because you don't know different.
So Maggie's reactions might seem unreal, but kindly remember unless you've been on the other side of the fence you can't imagine how it feels.
I hope for those of you out there having a problem with Maggie's reaction, you'd stop for a second, look within yourself and then cast the stone. You might decide differently...
Such a great blog pot, Sherry, and such a heartwrenching comment by Camelia! It's amazing that she has turned out to be such a WONDERFUL person when you consider what she's suffered. You are definitely one of my heroes, Cami!
ReplyDeleteI've never been able to figure out how anyone believes abuse is okay in any form. Doesn't everyone have the right to feel safe? And we've now stepped beyond what we consider abuse (physical, mental, emotional, bullying, etc.) into cyber-bullying, and somehow we've excused it because it doesn't seem so personal. We forget that on the other end of our cyber words is a human being who is being. It's long past the time that we all examine how we treat others in every aspect of our lives, and stop the abuse! (Getting off soapbox now)